Monday, December 23, 2013

you are invited to my pity party

I have been feeling a little blue lately. Not quite right and my anxiety has skyrocketed a bit. Basically, I've been having a daily pity party for about a week now and misery sure does love company so I thought I would share here too. :)

There's no real reason for my feelings - I'm a new mom of a 10 week old. I spend the majority of my days alone with Charlotte. My husband works full time and by the time he gets home from work, we only have a few hours before Charlotte goes to sleep. The baby sleeps in our bed with me (daddy is currently couch bound) so on most nights, I go to bed at the same time as Charlotte which is super lame sometimes (and sometimes I love having a good excuse to go to sleep early).

I have gained weight back after losing it from breastfeeding. Nothing but a few pairs of yoga pants fit me at the moment. 

I can't really get my husband to commit to too many holiday get togethers - he just doesn't really like dealing with a whole bunch of people at once. 

Charlotte won't take a bottle so I am within 20 feet of her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Thank goodness she is adorable!

My hormones seem to be up and down, and I get really anxious so, as most women let alone new moms do, I cry from time to time. All I really need is a hug but my husband just gets frustrated with me (which most men do) and then I cry even more (really men, why are you surprised by this?).

When I get this way, everything piles up and I become super overwhelmed. I need to take a bunch of deep breaths, brew a cup of tea and put things into perspective in my mind:
  • I am a new mom and therefore there will be hard moments and days. And that's okay. It's normal. 
  • Charlotte isn't going to sleep in our room forever. The situation will change. It already changes daily so this too will be different soon. I need to cherish the moments with my little roommate.
  • I can lose weight and I can buy new clothes. Not easily on either account (schedule right now and a lot less money on maternity leave) but I can. And besides, yoga pants are comfortable.
  • I actually don't want to do much this Christmas either so why so I guilt trip my husband for it? Duh!
  • I need to talk to my husband about being more proactive on the bottle thing but she won't breastfeed forever and I will miss it when she is done. This is a hard one on bad days but I'm working through it. But people need to understand, I can't go out without Charltte and I can't leave her erg you because she won't eat if my boobs aren't  with her. What don't people get about that?!
  • I'm never going to change my husband and I can't control my hormones. And I've recently discovered that my anxiety is directly related to my need for control (and lack of sleep). Doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. God grant me the serenity ...
There you have it - I've rationalized each point and feel much better. Not an easy task but if I take the time (for me, writing it down helps), it is worth the exercise.

So, know that you too can flip your crappy, screaming child, annoying husband day upside down with some deep breaths, a good cry (it IS okay) and a cup of tea (or wine or vodka - I won't tell). You will feel so much better after your own pity party. Thank you for joining mine! xo

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