The other day my husband bluntly said to me, "You need to have more fun with motherhood." The comment hit me like a ton of bricks. What the hell is he talking about? I love this new mom gig. I don't really have a choice at this point - it's me, on, 24/7. And I am enjoying it - aren't I?
I started doing what I do - questioning, analyzing and overthinking everything. Basically, I unconsciously jumpstarted my anxiety into overdrive. I love everything about our little Charlotte. The best part of my day (heck, my life so far) is when she wakes up from a nap and sees me and smiles the biggest smile on the planet. I have never felt more love. It is amazing and awesome. I feel like we hit the three month mark, and all of us hit our stride - we got this.
But I kept thinking about my husband's remark and one day, I realized he was 100% right. I was worried about Charlotte's schedule. I was worried about the fact that she wasn't napping long enough one day. I was worried that she was sleeping too long another day. I was worried that she might cry if we left the house. I was worried about breastfeeding in public. I was worried about having people over in case Charlotte got upset. I was worried about what to do with Charlotte if she was up too long and I had to get things done. I was worried - a worried, new mom. And it wasn't fun at all.
We have a routine, not a schedule per say. No matter how many naps Charlotte takes during the day, her bedtime usually ends up to be around the same time. She is going to cry, she's a baby. When she is hungry, I have to feed her - deal with it. Our friends and family just want to visit us and Charlotte, they don't care if she's happy or upset. Charlotte can play on her own for a few minutes while I empty the dishwasher or get dinner ready.
My husband was right - I was worrying too much about everything (and my anxiety was eating me alive) so that was taking away from the fun I wanted to have with Charlotte. Now we play, we snuggle, we watch TV together, we read books, she eats, she tells me stories ... we have fun. Everything is just a stage and it won't be this way forever so - for my own sanity - it was time to stop worrying and start rolling with Charlotte's personal schedule on a day-to-day basis. I can tell that it has made a difference for both of us and our days are filled with more flexibility and fun.
Thanks hubby! xo