my grandma

Last Sunday my mom and I went and visited my grandma who is in a full care facility in Burnaby (my dad's mom). It was a beautiful day for a drive and since the pregnancy has really hit me hard, I haven't been able to visit her nearly as much as I would like.

I am always anxious driving up to her place because I am never quite sure what I am going to find when I enter the doors. She might be having lunch with the other residents or she might be sleeping in her room. She might have an injury of some sort or not be feeling well or she might be feeling good that day. No matter what we find when we see her, she always looks amazing and put together. I really hope I have my dad's side of the family genes - almost no wrinkles and gorgeous skin. 

On Sunday we found her with her table mates waiting for lunch. Her hair was curled and she was in a kimono type gown so she was cool in this summer heat. A lovely lady named Linda comes in to help her with her meals. We caught up with Linda while she fed my grandma her lunch - and grandma insisted on holding my hand the entire time :) She has had a couple of strokes so her speech isn't quite the same as it once was and she gets confused. The woman is 90 though so she has lived an amazing, good, strong and supportive life. 

After lunch she was still holding my hand and stared right into my eyes and said, "I have absolutely no clue who you are." It hit me hard - like I ran into a brick wall. I knew this day would come but I wasn't fully prepared for the emotional roller coaster it was going to take my on. Memories flooded my brain - chicken noodle soup, knitting, playing cooking school while we made my grandfather's lunch, swing sets, cupcakes, homemade Christmas wrapping paper ... the list just kept scrolling like I was being forced to remember every good moment with my grandmother.

She did figure out who I was a few minutes later and seemed to slip in and out of it during our visit. She can't say Chad's name, she says Shawn instead. She doesn't really remember my step-dad much but at the same time, I said that my cousin had visited her two weeks ago and she said it was longer than that. She was right :) 

The road ahead will be challenging but that random scroll of memories remind me that we have had so many good times. She helped raise me, she is part of the reason I am who I am and part of the reason I will be the mother and grandmother I will be. She is such a beautiful soul and even if a day comes and she doesn't remember me ever again, I will always remember her. xo

**Photos from 2011**